The results are in, ladies and gentleman. I have no innate talent for pizza making. Whatsoever.
My dough was baked through, as I had hoped, but it was also...tough. Not that tasty. The layering of thinly sliced tomatoes, spinach leaves, and fresh basil + white bean puree was not substantial enough. (I couldn't get the jar of pizza sauce open. This is why I need to date a really strapping butch lady. Who can make good pizza. A butch pizza-maker is all I want from life. Aside from, uh, Fame and Fortune.) The mushrooms and cheese were okay. Overall: Pizza fail.
Lame!
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Edit: The pizza wasn't really that bad. In fact, it improved with some time in the fridge. I ate it over two days, as my work entree. Dough was still tough, but the taste was fine. Perhaps the secret is making my own dough, treating it right (stretching it effectively), and assembling a thinner layer of ingredients. There's still hope for my pizza.
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